Perhaps Gnomeo & Juliet's re-purposed tale of romance amid warring families would have worked better if it had been less ambitious and aimed at combining only two of those elements. The incandescent language of the bard spoken by tacky lawn ornaments could have been eccentrically funny. But much of the play's dialogue is updated. Jokes fall flat. And a ceramic gnome by any other name is still a kitschy little figure.
This tale, completely unenhanced by 3-D, is a cluttered garden shed of a movie. The disparate pieces don't add up and often feel derivative of far better movies like Toy Story. In fact, the very concept of lawn gnomes coming alive is a lot like toys springing to life.
And the Spanish-inflected voice of a pink flamingo (Jim Cummings), as a peculiar reworking of the tale's Friar, is reminiscent of Shrek's Puss in Boots — except that Antonio Banderas does it better.
The alterations to John's classic tunes only make you long for the originals. Some of the orchestral arrangements might as well be elevator music.
The non-musical elements are even more baffling. It's hard to imagine a more unlikely combination of voices to bring these squat little statues to life. The distinguished voices of Maggie Smith and Michael Caine are joined by the less dulcet tones of Hulk Hogan and Ozzy Osbourne.
Gnomeo & Juliet
* * out of four
Stars: Michael Caine, Jason Statham, Emily Blunt, James McAvoy, Maggie Smith
Director: Kelly Asbury
Distributor:Touchstone Pictures
Rating: RG
Running time: 1 hour, 24 minutes
Opens Friday nationwide
The dialogue of the star-crossed lovers is by Emily Blunt and James McAvoy, who must have better things to do with their talents.
These inanimate neighboring lawn folk have grown to hate each other thanks to their feuding human owners, Miss Montague (Julie Walters) and Mr. Capulet (Richard Wilson). The setting is Shakespeare's birthplace, Stratford-on-Avon. Gnomeo appears to be hit by a truck with the logo "Tempest Teapots," and a broken gnome is sealed back together with The Taming of the Glue.
John recently became a new dad with partner and Gnomeo producer David Furnish. Family-friendly entertainment must understandably be on their minds. John and Bernie Taupin created brilliant music, and John's music (with Tim Rice's lyrics) contributed to the magic of The Lion King. But the use of some of his best early songs here doesn't redeem mediocre fare.
Rewatching The Lion King is a much better idea than wasting time in this animated gnome-man's land.
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